Let me get this out of the way right off the bat. If you read this blog, and you don’t know who I am (and God help me if anyone that does know lets that cat out of the bag, he/she/it is a dead man/woman/thing) and you love Penn State football, would give JoePa a sponge bath using your own saliva, etc., you’re going to hate me. Don’t worry though, I probably hate you too.
I’m probably going to be the most credible person on this blog, and though it could be argued that this will be due to my good looks, charm, and overall ability, the more likely explanation is that I bleed Blue and Gold, not Blue and White. Yes, I went to Penn State. Yes, I root for the football team. Yes, I’ve blacked out there more times than I can count. That doesn’t mean they’re my favorite team–that honor would have to go to the Pitt Panthers. Calling it down the middle and not falling all over myself with fawning words with regards to Team Aggravated Assault will not be a problem for me.
What does this mean for you, the barely literate reader? Well, for starters, it gives you a chance to vent your frustration over the fact that you got picked last in kickball, never got to first base with any girl that wasn’t a blood relative, and live a sad, pointless life, wasting away your days eating Cheetos while hooked up to an IV of Mountain Dew. It also means that you’re going to get a perspective on Penn State football that you otherwise wouldn’t have–that of the guy that really doesn’t all that much care if the team goes 11-0 or 0-11, just so long as more players get arrested.
When Pitt goes 10-2 or 11-1 this year, I won’t shove it down your throats. But when Joe Paterno kicks an average D-lineman off the team for an apartment fight while naming the instigator of said fight (an all-conference safety) a team captain, you can bet I’ll be right there with my trusty soapbox and megaphone.
So get ready for some fucking profanity, political incorrectness, Blazing Saddles/Caddyshack references, and a whole lot of bile–because someone was dumb enough to let me write for this blog, and you damn well better believe I’m going to take that chance by the balls and run with it.