Off the field problems? Solved.
So a friend and I were having a conversation about the recent off the field issues at Penn State. He came up with some really reasonable solutions.
Me: I can’t believe these guys can’t stay out of trouble.
Brandon: They should lock them under beaver stadium. Not even let them go to class. Bring the profs there.
This is brillia…wait, what?! Not only lock them up – lock them up UNDER Beaver Stadium!? Harsh.
Then he seemed to back off of that idea…
Brandon: PSU should hire student liasions. Basically, you assign a 3.0 to 4.0 gpa die hard psu fans – 2 for each starter and they hang out with them at ALL TIMES and help them not make stupid decisions. Pay them like 10 bucks an hour and free field passes to every game.
Can you imagine? This sounds like a hilarious 80’s sitcom. In fact, according to our friend Josh Sorokach, this exact premise mirrors an old episode of Saved By the Bell: The College Years. In that episode Screech helps Mike (the RA and former 49er) write his autobiography. In return Mike helps Screech bulk up to meet girls. So in order for this to work (if you’re going by Saved By the Bell rules) there should probably be some sort of trade off. The football players help the nerds meet girls in return for the studying and general help staying out of trouble. This show could star Adam Brody circa 2003 (thanks Josh).
I nominate Penn State legend and current 49er*** Michael Robinson to put together a team of nerds and conquer the off the field problems. In return, the starters will coach the nerds on things like dating and partying (responsibly, of course). Then LaVar Arrington will decide which Nerd-Player tandem did the best job overall. That team will be awarded the Land Grant Trophy. Problems SOLVED.
***Has anyone actually seen Mike Rob play a down this season? Is he hurt? Is he still on the team? I think he could shine in the AFL or CFL. What’s the competition like in NFL Europe?